Being a Loner in a Social World!
People don’t love to live a lonely life. Having an active social life and then taking a break for a change is a different thing than living a lonely life. And anybody who says this is probably in a state of denial not comfortable facing the truth. However loneliness happens and you don’t really have an option. It is programmed into some people. Me being one example. Let me explain What I feel and that probably will give you some context.
I don’t like being alone. But when I am with people trying to mix in, to become more social, to feel interested in what they are talking about I feel not true to myself. I become someone whom I don’t like and I say things which I should not.
People when come together, live together they tend to form a bond. But for me and many others loners around is an entirely different scenario. I can be with people for so much time without a moment of affection with them. They move on. You move on. Without a hint of intimacy which was there. It is like a devoured pasture land by a sheep flock, all empty, all gone.
Thirdly I try. I try to be social. I used to be open to people, showing them my vulnerability, loving them, enjoying with them. But over the years I have realised this is not me. Eventually I have developed a shell. An enclosure where I can not let anybody in. It is just me alone hovering in my thoughts.
All this being said this does not imply I am depressed. I have my career, my goals. I work, shop, eat, love my wife, volunteer, go to parties, talk to my parents and wife, take care of my finances, love my dog and so on. And I read as I get time. Just like any other normal person. I run my errands, take care of my responsibilities and love the people around me. I expect my life to be extraordinary, something that will make a difference to this world perhaps in some way.
But emotionally I think I am all alone. I don’t love it. But I don’t have a choice, it is the way I am and I have to live with it.
“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” -Jodi Picoult